I'm putting this here because no one ever looks anyway.

I am sitting at the computer at my friend's house, wiping away tears and trying not to heave. We just had what I would categorize as the Second Strangest conversation I think I've ever had with him. And I'm freaking out.

Other than Lisa, who's been my friend for 29 years (since our eyes met across a crowded classroom in Grade Three), he has the record for putting up with my shit the longest. Coming in at 18 years ladies and gentlemen, S.!

He's always been funny and intelligent and a great storyteller but he's also been full of shit in that adorable way our best friends sometimes are. He changes the rules of life to suit his needs and won't take help from me even if I twist his arm waaay up around the back of his neck. He's stubborn and deceives himself and won't listen to the woman's perspective even when he goes out of his way to ask for it. And yet, I still have much love for this doofus.

So he's standing at the sink, shaving his forest o' stubble and I'm sitting on the floor watching like the weirdo that I am, when he happily tells me he's been out on a few dates lately. Since all I ultimately want is his happiness, I nod my head and smile. Then he goes on to say that he's uncomfortable with her being a few years older than he, so they will probably wind up good friends, which is really what he's capable of right now anyway. He then proceeds to tell me last week in his laundry room he was struck down out of the blue by a wave of regret and pain over the 'indifferent' breakup with his partner of three years over a year ago. I never liked her, and the way she treated him was shameful. Now she's got him walking around mooning over her, trying to figure out how to stop the pain and not wanting to pursue the issue to help him deal and move on because it might cause her more pain. Fuck.

He had the nerve to look me straight in the eye and ask me, "How do you get your heart back when you've given it away to someone who doesn't want it?"

May I stop right here to ask a simple question?

Just how stupid and unseeing are men, anyway?

I stared right back and said calmly, "If you can figure that out, let me know, won'tcha?"

Then it occurred to me that he was either purging his inner angsty turmoil to someone he knew he could trust or he was trying to tell me something about our dynamic that he was too pussy to tell me straight. And he had one foot out the door while he was holding this conversation, so much the better for a quick getaway. Bastid.

I mean, holy shit on a cracker.

I think we need a break.